It's okay to be both.

I had coffee with my dad tonight. We meet about once a month for our little "daddy-daughter" date and I always look forward to it. I can always bet on the fact that during our talks my dad will give me precious advice or profound wisdom about following God. Tonight I was once again struck by something he said while we were discussing the subject of change. Our emotions can be both tricky and unpredictable when trying to navigate our way through (or around) a new transition. When we are processing a perceived trial or joy, no matter what form the change comes in, we sometimes get stuck in the idea that we either have to be happy or sad. We either have to be completely content or wildly resistant. We have the tendency to want to only choose things in our lives that will bring assured happiness along the path of least resistance. It's human nature. Any other action on our part is nothing short of the divine at work within us. What my dad said tonight was so humbly profound: "It's okay to be both." (this little nugget of philosophy drawn from a sermon by Ravi Zacharias entitled "Either/Or, Both/And.")

On my drive home I began to ponder all the ways that "it's okay to be both." There are countless times when I can remember feeling two (or more) emotions simultaneously, sure. Ever cried tears of joy? How about laughing when you're nervous? I've been known to laugh when I'm really angry... it's weird, but ask my husband it's true!

So then I began to think about how "it's okay to be both" in more ways than just in our emotions. The fact that I am insufficiently adequate to be God's ambassador- that's a way that it's okay to be both. The fact that I am a sinner and saved. The fact that Jesus was both human and God incarnate. Take for instance that when it comes to being a Christian it's okay to have more questions than answers because it's all about the journey. How about something like being hopelessly abandoned to God's purposes? That's another way I'm comfortable being both. The risk of being sold out to be used by Him far outweighs the risk of wasting my life on things that don't matter- such as living only for myself! I want to be radically ordinary for God's glory. It is my life's aim to make much of Him and much less of me.

Dad, thanks for always being so profoundly obvious in our little talks. I love you.

Enough for Today

This year one of my personal goals is to read the Bible the whole way through. I chose a reading plan that would take me through it in a historically chronological progression. True confession... does it make me less spiritual that I knew I may face some difficulty reading strictly from the Old Testament for months on end? I've been wrestling with some of the more lengthy descriptive passages just this week. However, last week I was deep in the story of the Israelites wandering the desert after having been freed from captivity in Egypt. I came to a part in Exodus about a miracle of God that I know a lot of people are familiar with: the manna (or bread) from heaven. While I was reading this account of what God did to answer to plea of his desperate and wandering people, an amazing parallel to another familiar passage came to mind. First the instruction from God regarding the manna:

4 Then the Lord said to Moses, “I will rain down bread from heaven for you. The people are to go out each day and gather enough for that day. In this way I will test them and see whether they will follow my instructions. 5 On the sixth day they are to prepare what they bring in, and that is to be twice as much as they gather on the other days.” (Exodus 16:4-5, emphasis mine)

I was hit with the thought of how perfectly peculiar it was that God instructed them to only gather enough food for each day. On the sixth day of the week he instructed them to gather double so that they could observe the Sabbath. This principle of establishing the Sabbath and keeping it holy was further identified in the ten commandments which would come just a few chapters later.

The message that I felt God giving me through reading this familiar story was so simple and yet so poignant:

His provision is enough for today. 

Now here is the scripture my thoughts immediately turned to that parallel this same message. I thought of a passage in Matthew spoken by Jesus himself. I think many of us are very familiar with what has been termed as "The Lord's Prayer":

9 “This, then, is how you should pray:
“‘Our Father in heaven,
hallowed be your name,
10 your kingdom come,
your will be done,
on earth as it is in heaven.
11 Give us today our daily bread.
12 And forgive us our debts,
as we also have forgiven our debtors.
13 And lead us not into temptation,
but deliver us from the evil one.’

(Matthew 6:9-13, emphasis mine)

My faith can hold tight to the fact that God is giving me everything I need to focus on and live for him today. As much as I try to run ahead, God has been pressing into my head this truth over and over: His provision is enough for today. What I need to do is daily put my trust in God. Asking him to make my heart more and more hungry for him. Pray for the chance to love someone as a reflection of who Christ is today. I know that my future is secure because he holds tomorrow. What I need to do is be beautifully desperate for him today.

Good, pleasing, and perfect.

I've been asking myself some tough questions lately about discerning what is next for my family and I. God has put on my heart a verse in Romans that I've read many times before but somehow never paid much attention to three amazing words:

"Don't copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will know what God wants you to do, and you will know how good and pleasing and perfect his will really is." Romans 12:2

The topic of discerning God's will has been on the forefront of discussion in my life lately. It seems to be a theme God is really driving home for me. This verse is very well-known in terms of being "transformed by the  renewing of your mind" (NRSV) but I also love how the NLT translation says "changing the way you think." Wow. When I ponder how difficult it can be to change the way I think... it seems nearly impossible to do. No matter how many self-help advice books we can read or how well we apply the latest pop psychology method, it can be nearly impossible to change the way we think! Our minds are complex and intricate. The way we perceive our world, our circumstances, or even God can be as complicated as the subject itself!  

Here's an perfect example: just today I was talking with other mommy friends at the park about how Owen has been biting his sister again lately. Totally unexpected behavior for his age and especially because I thought we were done with this stage! Fast forward a couple hours and what do we see? Owen, who is supposed to be washing his hands for lunch, biting his sister on the arm! So here comes the confession- it makes me angry. I mean it sends my emotions through the roof when I see the bite mark on Abby's arm/shoulder/leg/finger/head/you name it. Here's the thought process in my brain every time it happens: "Is this ever going to stop? What if he starts biting other people? How is it he can't express his frustration with words? Am I a failure as a mom? Am I meeting his needs emotionally? What if he never grows out of this? What if my friends judge me for having a "biter? What if he's a cannibal? AGH!" Seriously, my thoughts go wild and verge on the edge of being ridiculous. Ever have a moment like that? Something in your life that drives you bananas and you automatically think the worst? Jeff tells me to stop and take a deep breath before I switch on the crazy. Hah! Please tell me I'm not alone, people. 

So here is the good news: God's work of transforming the way I think (which I cannot do on my own) will lead me to the endless possibilities of knowing His will. And guess what else? That verse in Romans says His will is: good, pleasing, and perfect. How much better can it get? Nothing I could plan for my life would ever come close to being those three things, especially the perfect part! So this is what I'm beginning to understand about understanding God's will: He must be the one to clean out the junk in my heart (i.e. the way I think) so that I can fully trust that His will- when revealed- will be AMAZING. Jeff and I have really been challenged to grow in this area specifically. God keeps reminding me to strive harder after Him. Everything else is just details. And, to get the full aspect of what this verse is telling us about being transformed, it's crucial to look at the verse that proceeds: 

"And so, dear brothers and sisters, I plead with you to give your bodies to God. Let them be a living and holy sacrifice-the kind he will accept. When you think of what he has done for you, is this too much to ask?" Romans 12:1

God wants me to be set apart. Not to conform to the world's standards. Not to look for ways to bring myself recognition. Not even to be the perfect mom (also because it's impossible). Not to fret when my son bites, but rather correct him in love. Even while doing the most good we can get lost in the doing. God will tell us what to do, it says so in verse 2. What He requires is that we offer ourselves as a living sacrifice to Him. Tall order? Yep. Absolutely fulfilling? Definitely. 

And now to steal from my favorite author, Oswald Chambers: 

' “I say to you, do not worry about your life . . . .” (Matthew 6:25) Our Lord says to be careful only about one thing-our relationship to Him. But our common sense shouts loudly and says, “That is absurd, I must consider how I am going to live, and I must consider what I am going to eat and drink.” Jesus says you must not. Beware of allowing yourself to think that He says this while not understanding your circumstances. Jesus Christ knows our circumstances better than we do, and He says we must not think about these things to the point where they become the primary concern of our life. Whenever there are competing concerns in your life, be sure you always put your relationship to God first. "

Pep talk time

I had to share this video because... #1 this kid is adorable and #2 the message is priceless. 

Need a pep talk? How about one from this cutie?? 

"There's work to be done! You can cry about it, or you can dance about it!"

"Boring is easy, but you're gooder than that." 

Enjoy...

It's too early for big questions, Owen.

This morning, at a very early (but luckily post-coffee) hour my son and I were having a bit of a big discussion. If you don't know anything about my son, Owen, let me tell you a little about him. Owen is highly inquisitive, as are most kiddos his age, always asking me really hard questions like, "How do we make cars?" or one of my favs, "How do babies come out of their mommy's tummy?" He is also what some would describe as being a bit "emotional" for a boy. Owen's highs are really high and his lows are really low... again, typical in my limited understanding of 3-year-olds, but I'm beginning to see that Owen broke the mold when it comes to his sensibilities and perceptiveness. He takes in so much of our big world every day and I can literally see it in his gaze when ideas and new concepts are being processing in his brain like a little computer. Last year he asked me about a few homeless people we passed outside of a store we passed. Then, after explaining that they have no house to go home to at the end of the day, Owen had an obvious yet somehow overlooked solution- "Why don't we give them our house, Mom?" I love his sweet spirit, the integrity that he is already showing at such a young age, and the love and knowledge of God that is growing in his heart.

So back to the discussion Owen and I were having...

As I was ironing Jeff's shirt for work this morning, Owen asked me, "What does daddy do at work and can I go too?" Jeff is a senior level claims adjuster for a auto insurance company handling auto accident claims that frankly I never want to even hear or think about. He is one of the (un)lucky people that get to handle auto accident fatalities and seriously icky injuries. When he first got this job, I made it very clear that I never want to hear about it, otherwise I would end up having to walk everywhere for fear of driving and that just would't jive with two kids in tow. So would you please let me remain naive where I am happy, thank you very much. So when trying to explain to Owen what daddy does all day I said something like this: "Well, when people get into a bad car accident they can call daddy for help with fixing their car and seeing a doctor to help their boo-boos." And Owen's response on his face read something like, "Uh huh." Then after about a minute he said, "Mom, I still don't understand." 

My thoughts immediately turned to a passage in Romans that was being discussed last night at youth group. I'll explain why after this:

"For the truth about God is known to them instinctively. God has put this knowledge in their hearts. From the time the world was created, people have seen the earth and sky and all that God made. They can clearly see his invisible qualities- his eternal power and divine nature. So they have no excuse whatsoever for not knowing God." - Romans 1:19-20

Here is the big thought I had: it is much easier for me to tell someone about the reality of God and what Christ did for us than it is for me to explain to my 3-year-old what daddy does at work all day. You would think the opposite would be true... but it's not. Why? Well... because who God is matters to all of us. The creator of all we see and all of humanity is desperately in love with us. So much so that we, the created, have been saved from our sin by the unthinkable and unimaginable act of Jesus, the creator, dying in our place and rising again from the grave- victorious over death. And then the thought dawned on me: the reason that this is easier for me to tell someone about this; heck even why it's easy to explain to my son that God did this for us, is because it is a message of hope and freedom. As this message that Paul is writing in the passage to the Romans explains, we "instinctively" know the truth about God... because "God has put this knowledge in [our] hearts." I realize this is a lot to ponder, especially if you have doubts or questions. (I am very open to dialogue about this if you would like!) I really liked the context in which this passage was read last night to the teens at my church because they are faced every day with the challenges of working out their faith. The truth is that God is real. The truth is he loves us. The truth is... I, we, you... need Him daily. To me at this juncture in my walk with God is a much easier truth to shed a little light on than any other question my son could conjure up, like the ever so popular, "Where do babies come from?"

I would like to leave you with a music video of one of Owen's favorite songs that I think ties in perfectly with this very thing. Owen goes around the house singing it all day and it brings this mama such joy.

Forgiveness: need it and give it.

I think it has happened to all of us at some time or another. We let a comment slip out of our mouth before it had a chance to pass through our brain. We typed something that wasn't exactly "Christian-like." Or maybe worse... or words were carefully thought up... maybe even plotted to be made as painful as possible... as if to sharpen an arrow for the attack. Once the conversation has been had, there is no taking back your words. And as you relish in the ugly and guilty perceived "win," it suddenly hits you... "Why did I say that?!"

Or just maybe you were on the receiving end of the attack. You were the one left with an arrow hanging in your heart. You are left recoiling and injured telling yourself never to trust that person again. Can you relate at all to this?

Or maybe it's not nearly that dramatic. Maybe it was an exchange that began peacefully and then you sense that things are taking a nosedive. Differences of opinions, strong feelings evoked, or maybe something that is spoken in confidence that you just know you can't handle on your own. Therein the struggle begins.

Whatever the case is, one thing prevails as the antidote: forgiveness. Resolution is waiting to be had. Reunion of friendship is waiting. How do we know that there is hope? One simple truth: Jesus made it all possible. Lets look at two places in the Bible where this very issue is being addressed and to see what God says about this.

First, what do to if you've been injured... here is the course of treatment.

 Colossians 3:13 reads,

"You must make allowance for each other's faults and forgive the person who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others." (this passage draws on the principle Jesus spoke in Matthew 18:21-35 if you want to reference that passage as well.)

Notice that it doesn't say anything about whether the person deserves your forgiveness, or only if they are "really sorry!" Hah. I just had this funny thought of a parent scolding their child: "Say you're sorry!" to which the child with his/her arms crossed in rebellion yells, "Sorry!" What is the parent's typical response? "Say it like you MEAN it!" Here we are faced with yet another issue- repentance. It's not for us to decide if the other person is even repentant of their behavior. Heck, they don't even have to apologize to us! We are just called to to forgive. And what's more, in the verse right before this (v. 12) it reads,

"Since God chose you to be the holy people whom he loves, you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility gentleness and patience." 

Tall order? Yes. Impossible to do? Nope. Not without Christ, that is. So here's the breakdown about extending forgiveness that I've come to learn:

1. Only Christ makes it possible for me to forgive 
2. I don't have to feel like it first in order to give it
3. If I am to behave like God's child then I will do it
4. Because I have been given a new life in Christ I can do it

I also want to take special care in addressing offenses that are deeper and more painful than just a harsh word. I have had opportunities (praise God I can even refer to these painful times in my life as such- an opportunity!) to flex my forgiveness muscle. It doesn't happen overnight. The lingering pain may take a long time to heal, but it is by the power of the Holy Spirit that we have the freedom and the safety in Christ to say, "I forgive." I can remember with certain situations I had to sometimes daily remind myself in prayer that I forgave. It all comes down to Christ. Be encouraged that with His help, you can have true healing. 

So now the flip side of the coin. What if you are the one that needs forgiveness? This very week, in fact, I found myself in this category. And I waited ENTIRELY too long to make things right. Let me share with you a passage that keeps coming to mind in Matthew 5:23-24,

"So if you are standing before the altar in the Temple, offering a sacrifice to God, and you suddenly remember that someone has an something against you, leave your sacrifice there beside the altar. Go and be reconciled to that person. Then come and offer your sacrifice to God."

There a few things that strike me as peculiar yet very relateable about this passage. One thing is that I love how it says, "you suddenly remember that someone has something against you." Ever been unsure about how your words came across to someone? I have. I tend to be pretty blunt and I've had a LOT of practice in toning it down. I've had my fair share of failures to learn by. I just think it's so human of us that we can be just going about our business, in this case maybe at church (a close enough comparison to being at the altar in the Temple) and all of the sudden... it hits you. Geesh. I should really make things right with so-and-so. What does the Bible say to do? Go and be reconciled. Go. Just GO!

I can remember a time many years ago at my previous home church when our pastor spoke about this very thing. He told us to take a moment and think if there was anything in our relationships between church members that needed to be made right. And you know what he asked us to do next? To do it. Go. Get up out of your chair and go to that person and make things right. Boy oh boy, was that a powerful service. Unforgettable for me. I remember at the time (the particulars have since been forgotten) I owed someone an apology and I was incredibly nervous at the idea of getting up and going to that person in front of a room of other people! But you know what? It didn't matter... because almost ALL of us were doing the very same thing. Reconciliation rested on that place like a warm blanket to cozy up with. Forgiveness was being asked for and given that morning. I'll never forget watching as our church family walked in obedience together. We were then freed up to "then come and offer your sacrifice to God" together. Incredible.

Forgiveness. We need it and we need to give it. After all, didn't Jesus forgive us of the worst of the worst? How about our sin that separates us from Him? How about them apples?! Seriously though, I'm not making light of this... in fact I'm saying in comparison to whatever foolish thing we are holding onto as far as refusing to forgive or refusing to apologize... seriously? What do we know about REAL forgiveness other than what Christ can do in us? We have His perfect life to look at and learn from. Dying for people who don't deserve it... all because of love. Reconciliation of humanity unto Himself made possible only because He paid the debt we could never fulfill on our own.

Ask for forgiveness... say "sorry" it like you mean it. Give forgiveness, and then act like you mean it. Be encouraged!

Reflections on Reflecting

I woke up today feeling uneasy. Then after slowly rebooting my brain with a big cup of caffeine, it dawned on me that its probably no coincidence that today happens to be New Years Eve and I'm feeling strange. Whenever we turn the page to a new year my heart begins reflecting on the months behind. I think we as humans can't help but do a little soul-searching this time of year. Having just come off the high of the Christmas season, whether or not you hold to the true meaning of it, it leaves your nerves a little frazzled. At least it did for me. No matter how hard I try to avoid the consumerism chaos of Christmas, it always gets the best of me. I despise the crowds, the wasteful spending and the "lets be nice to each other just because it's Christmas and when its over we can all go back to being idiots" mentality. I know... it seems a little harsh of me to say that. I think if we're all being honest with ourselves when the "goodwill towards men" attitude fades in light of routine that comes rushing back in with January, we can't help but feel little jaded. That is unless Christ is given reign over our hearts. Then I read something fantastically attitude altering this morning in Isaiah 52:12:

"For you shall not go out in haste,  and you shall not go in flight; for the Lord will go before you, and the God of Israel will be your rear guard." (NRSV)

In context, this was a word given to God's chosen people regarding their exodus from Babylon. I think the original hearers of this message were experiencing MUCH more difficulty than we could ever relate to here on our turf. However, the timeless truths exemplified are painting a picture of a God rescuing His people from bondage gives my heart a joy unspeakable.

"... for the Lord will go before you..." *sigh of relief* Praise God! Given the chance to reflect on the coming new year we must remember something: exactly one year ago God was going before us in 2012. And now we can place our hope and trust in the fact that He will once again be faithful to do the same for 2013. Whatever disappointing failures or upsets this past year held for us... believe in Romans 8:28 (which is a verse a lot of us are familiar with, but need to just keep repeating over and over!)

"And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called to His purpose for them." (NLT) 

(Side note: I want to clarify that this passage is explicitly intended for those who have made Christ Lord. While I do believe in the usage of scripture for encouragement, this passage is illuminating the hope that believers have in trusting Christ to be glorified in each and every opportunity in their lives; whether it be through a desirable or undesirable circumstance.)

Reflecting on the past. Whether the past has been good to you or you wish it had turned out differently, God's purposes for redeeming the broken world unto Himself are still at work. Will we choose to let our difficulties be used for spiritual growth? Or will we fight God at every turn... resisting His prompting... struggling to make our lives look like we want them to look. Please don't misunderstand me here. I need to hear these tough questions just as much as the next person. I'm asking myself these things too.

I couldn't say it any better than Oswald Chambers (who happens to be one of my all time favorite authors) so I'll just let his words sum it up:

"Leave the broken, irreversible past in His hands, and step out into the invincible future with Him."