"Just love people."

This afternoon was like any other Sunday afternoon. I was out running errands and gathering supplies for tonight's youth group meeting. I remembered I needed to fill up the tank for the week and stopped at the gas station. I was preoccupied with trying to remember my list for the store while my gas was being pumped (thanks, Jersey for that little joy- not having to pump my own gas!). It was raining like mad outside and I was watching the world pass by me through rain soaked windows from within a warm comfy car. Then I saw him.

To my left was sight I won't soon forget. I saw an old van with the side door open and a man moving about within the vehicle as if he were gathering something. I noticed he was sitting on the floor of his van which I thought was unusual. Then I saw him lower down onto the ground a wheelchair as the rain continued to pour. He shuffled toward the edge of the van door... and then I saw he was without legs. He was moving around by using his arms. He lowered himself onto his wheel chair and then I saw his dog peek out to see what his master was doing. Then he attached a rope to his collar and tied the other end of the rope to his chair.  

By this time the gas attendant was knocking on my window to signal me to roll it down in order to give me my receipt. He catches my gaze and notices where I've been staring and looks at the man and he watches the man for a moment too. It was if time had stood still when I was watching this all unfold. 

I don't know this man's name. I don't know his story, although I would desperately like to. I don't know where he is from, if he's local or if he's just passing through. What I do know is this--- God's spirit within me was convicting me for being selfish. I won't say something cliche like I don't know how good I have it when compared to this man. It goes much deeper than that.

I will say this- I've been selfish. Yeah, selfish. I had lost my perspective and Christ faithfully restored it to me today. 

It seems I've been caught up in my own circumstances, my own concerns, my own "needs." God spoke to me and said, "Just love people." My heart within me leaped at the sound of God's voice. I have been desperate for his touch, for his wisdom. I was searching for the wrong answer, or maybe I was asking the wrong questions. 

The longer I walk with God the more I realize how REALLY desperate I am for Him. I'm a mess without Christ. Just when I think I have this whole discerning God's will thing down, He is so faithful to remind me of the simple yet too easily forgotten call of every Christian- "love people." Can I just stop complicating it now? Jesus, take my heart, my will, my all. 

Good, pleasing, and perfect.

I've been asking myself some tough questions lately about discerning what is next for my family and I. God has put on my heart a verse in Romans that I've read many times before but somehow never paid much attention to three amazing words:

"Don't copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will know what God wants you to do, and you will know how good and pleasing and perfect his will really is." Romans 12:2

The topic of discerning God's will has been on the forefront of discussion in my life lately. It seems to be a theme God is really driving home for me. This verse is very well-known in terms of being "transformed by the  renewing of your mind" (NRSV) but I also love how the NLT translation says "changing the way you think." Wow. When I ponder how difficult it can be to change the way I think... it seems nearly impossible to do. No matter how many self-help advice books we can read or how well we apply the latest pop psychology method, it can be nearly impossible to change the way we think! Our minds are complex and intricate. The way we perceive our world, our circumstances, or even God can be as complicated as the subject itself!  

Here's an perfect example: just today I was talking with other mommy friends at the park about how Owen has been biting his sister again lately. Totally unexpected behavior for his age and especially because I thought we were done with this stage! Fast forward a couple hours and what do we see? Owen, who is supposed to be washing his hands for lunch, biting his sister on the arm! So here comes the confession- it makes me angry. I mean it sends my emotions through the roof when I see the bite mark on Abby's arm/shoulder/leg/finger/head/you name it. Here's the thought process in my brain every time it happens: "Is this ever going to stop? What if he starts biting other people? How is it he can't express his frustration with words? Am I a failure as a mom? Am I meeting his needs emotionally? What if he never grows out of this? What if my friends judge me for having a "biter? What if he's a cannibal? AGH!" Seriously, my thoughts go wild and verge on the edge of being ridiculous. Ever have a moment like that? Something in your life that drives you bananas and you automatically think the worst? Jeff tells me to stop and take a deep breath before I switch on the crazy. Hah! Please tell me I'm not alone, people. 

So here is the good news: God's work of transforming the way I think (which I cannot do on my own) will lead me to the endless possibilities of knowing His will. And guess what else? That verse in Romans says His will is: good, pleasing, and perfect. How much better can it get? Nothing I could plan for my life would ever come close to being those three things, especially the perfect part! So this is what I'm beginning to understand about understanding God's will: He must be the one to clean out the junk in my heart (i.e. the way I think) so that I can fully trust that His will- when revealed- will be AMAZING. Jeff and I have really been challenged to grow in this area specifically. God keeps reminding me to strive harder after Him. Everything else is just details. And, to get the full aspect of what this verse is telling us about being transformed, it's crucial to look at the verse that proceeds: 

"And so, dear brothers and sisters, I plead with you to give your bodies to God. Let them be a living and holy sacrifice-the kind he will accept. When you think of what he has done for you, is this too much to ask?" Romans 12:1

God wants me to be set apart. Not to conform to the world's standards. Not to look for ways to bring myself recognition. Not even to be the perfect mom (also because it's impossible). Not to fret when my son bites, but rather correct him in love. Even while doing the most good we can get lost in the doing. God will tell us what to do, it says so in verse 2. What He requires is that we offer ourselves as a living sacrifice to Him. Tall order? Yep. Absolutely fulfilling? Definitely. 

And now to steal from my favorite author, Oswald Chambers: 

' “I say to you, do not worry about your life . . . .” (Matthew 6:25) Our Lord says to be careful only about one thing-our relationship to Him. But our common sense shouts loudly and says, “That is absurd, I must consider how I am going to live, and I must consider what I am going to eat and drink.” Jesus says you must not. Beware of allowing yourself to think that He says this while not understanding your circumstances. Jesus Christ knows our circumstances better than we do, and He says we must not think about these things to the point where they become the primary concern of our life. Whenever there are competing concerns in your life, be sure you always put your relationship to God first. "