Forgiveness: need it and give it.

I think it has happened to all of us at some time or another. We let a comment slip out of our mouth before it had a chance to pass through our brain. We typed something that wasn't exactly "Christian-like." Or maybe worse... or words were carefully thought up... maybe even plotted to be made as painful as possible... as if to sharpen an arrow for the attack. Once the conversation has been had, there is no taking back your words. And as you relish in the ugly and guilty perceived "win," it suddenly hits you... "Why did I say that?!"

Or just maybe you were on the receiving end of the attack. You were the one left with an arrow hanging in your heart. You are left recoiling and injured telling yourself never to trust that person again. Can you relate at all to this?

Or maybe it's not nearly that dramatic. Maybe it was an exchange that began peacefully and then you sense that things are taking a nosedive. Differences of opinions, strong feelings evoked, or maybe something that is spoken in confidence that you just know you can't handle on your own. Therein the struggle begins.

Whatever the case is, one thing prevails as the antidote: forgiveness. Resolution is waiting to be had. Reunion of friendship is waiting. How do we know that there is hope? One simple truth: Jesus made it all possible. Lets look at two places in the Bible where this very issue is being addressed and to see what God says about this.

First, what do to if you've been injured... here is the course of treatment.

 Colossians 3:13 reads,

"You must make allowance for each other's faults and forgive the person who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others." (this passage draws on the principle Jesus spoke in Matthew 18:21-35 if you want to reference that passage as well.)

Notice that it doesn't say anything about whether the person deserves your forgiveness, or only if they are "really sorry!" Hah. I just had this funny thought of a parent scolding their child: "Say you're sorry!" to which the child with his/her arms crossed in rebellion yells, "Sorry!" What is the parent's typical response? "Say it like you MEAN it!" Here we are faced with yet another issue- repentance. It's not for us to decide if the other person is even repentant of their behavior. Heck, they don't even have to apologize to us! We are just called to to forgive. And what's more, in the verse right before this (v. 12) it reads,

"Since God chose you to be the holy people whom he loves, you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility gentleness and patience." 

Tall order? Yes. Impossible to do? Nope. Not without Christ, that is. So here's the breakdown about extending forgiveness that I've come to learn:

1. Only Christ makes it possible for me to forgive 
2. I don't have to feel like it first in order to give it
3. If I am to behave like God's child then I will do it
4. Because I have been given a new life in Christ I can do it

I also want to take special care in addressing offenses that are deeper and more painful than just a harsh word. I have had opportunities (praise God I can even refer to these painful times in my life as such- an opportunity!) to flex my forgiveness muscle. It doesn't happen overnight. The lingering pain may take a long time to heal, but it is by the power of the Holy Spirit that we have the freedom and the safety in Christ to say, "I forgive." I can remember with certain situations I had to sometimes daily remind myself in prayer that I forgave. It all comes down to Christ. Be encouraged that with His help, you can have true healing. 

So now the flip side of the coin. What if you are the one that needs forgiveness? This very week, in fact, I found myself in this category. And I waited ENTIRELY too long to make things right. Let me share with you a passage that keeps coming to mind in Matthew 5:23-24,

"So if you are standing before the altar in the Temple, offering a sacrifice to God, and you suddenly remember that someone has an something against you, leave your sacrifice there beside the altar. Go and be reconciled to that person. Then come and offer your sacrifice to God."

There a few things that strike me as peculiar yet very relateable about this passage. One thing is that I love how it says, "you suddenly remember that someone has something against you." Ever been unsure about how your words came across to someone? I have. I tend to be pretty blunt and I've had a LOT of practice in toning it down. I've had my fair share of failures to learn by. I just think it's so human of us that we can be just going about our business, in this case maybe at church (a close enough comparison to being at the altar in the Temple) and all of the sudden... it hits you. Geesh. I should really make things right with so-and-so. What does the Bible say to do? Go and be reconciled. Go. Just GO!

I can remember a time many years ago at my previous home church when our pastor spoke about this very thing. He told us to take a moment and think if there was anything in our relationships between church members that needed to be made right. And you know what he asked us to do next? To do it. Go. Get up out of your chair and go to that person and make things right. Boy oh boy, was that a powerful service. Unforgettable for me. I remember at the time (the particulars have since been forgotten) I owed someone an apology and I was incredibly nervous at the idea of getting up and going to that person in front of a room of other people! But you know what? It didn't matter... because almost ALL of us were doing the very same thing. Reconciliation rested on that place like a warm blanket to cozy up with. Forgiveness was being asked for and given that morning. I'll never forget watching as our church family walked in obedience together. We were then freed up to "then come and offer your sacrifice to God" together. Incredible.

Forgiveness. We need it and we need to give it. After all, didn't Jesus forgive us of the worst of the worst? How about our sin that separates us from Him? How about them apples?! Seriously though, I'm not making light of this... in fact I'm saying in comparison to whatever foolish thing we are holding onto as far as refusing to forgive or refusing to apologize... seriously? What do we know about REAL forgiveness other than what Christ can do in us? We have His perfect life to look at and learn from. Dying for people who don't deserve it... all because of love. Reconciliation of humanity unto Himself made possible only because He paid the debt we could never fulfill on our own.

Ask for forgiveness... say "sorry" it like you mean it. Give forgiveness, and then act like you mean it. Be encouraged!