It's okay to be both.

I had coffee with my dad tonight. We meet about once a month for our little "daddy-daughter" date and I always look forward to it. I can always bet on the fact that during our talks my dad will give me precious advice or profound wisdom about following God. Tonight I was once again struck by something he said while we were discussing the subject of change. Our emotions can be both tricky and unpredictable when trying to navigate our way through (or around) a new transition. When we are processing a perceived trial or joy, no matter what form the change comes in, we sometimes get stuck in the idea that we either have to be happy or sad. We either have to be completely content or wildly resistant. We have the tendency to want to only choose things in our lives that will bring assured happiness along the path of least resistance. It's human nature. Any other action on our part is nothing short of the divine at work within us. What my dad said tonight was so humbly profound: "It's okay to be both." (this little nugget of philosophy drawn from a sermon by Ravi Zacharias entitled "Either/Or, Both/And.")

On my drive home I began to ponder all the ways that "it's okay to be both." There are countless times when I can remember feeling two (or more) emotions simultaneously, sure. Ever cried tears of joy? How about laughing when you're nervous? I've been known to laugh when I'm really angry... it's weird, but ask my husband it's true!

So then I began to think about how "it's okay to be both" in more ways than just in our emotions. The fact that I am insufficiently adequate to be God's ambassador- that's a way that it's okay to be both. The fact that I am a sinner and saved. The fact that Jesus was both human and God incarnate. Take for instance that when it comes to being a Christian it's okay to have more questions than answers because it's all about the journey. How about something like being hopelessly abandoned to God's purposes? That's another way I'm comfortable being both. The risk of being sold out to be used by Him far outweighs the risk of wasting my life on things that don't matter- such as living only for myself! I want to be radically ordinary for God's glory. It is my life's aim to make much of Him and much less of me.

Dad, thanks for always being so profoundly obvious in our little talks. I love you.

Enough for Today

This year one of my personal goals is to read the Bible the whole way through. I chose a reading plan that would take me through it in a historically chronological progression. True confession... does it make me less spiritual that I knew I may face some difficulty reading strictly from the Old Testament for months on end? I've been wrestling with some of the more lengthy descriptive passages just this week. However, last week I was deep in the story of the Israelites wandering the desert after having been freed from captivity in Egypt. I came to a part in Exodus about a miracle of God that I know a lot of people are familiar with: the manna (or bread) from heaven. While I was reading this account of what God did to answer to plea of his desperate and wandering people, an amazing parallel to another familiar passage came to mind. First the instruction from God regarding the manna:

4 Then the Lord said to Moses, “I will rain down bread from heaven for you. The people are to go out each day and gather enough for that day. In this way I will test them and see whether they will follow my instructions. 5 On the sixth day they are to prepare what they bring in, and that is to be twice as much as they gather on the other days.” (Exodus 16:4-5, emphasis mine)

I was hit with the thought of how perfectly peculiar it was that God instructed them to only gather enough food for each day. On the sixth day of the week he instructed them to gather double so that they could observe the Sabbath. This principle of establishing the Sabbath and keeping it holy was further identified in the ten commandments which would come just a few chapters later.

The message that I felt God giving me through reading this familiar story was so simple and yet so poignant:

His provision is enough for today. 

Now here is the scripture my thoughts immediately turned to that parallel this same message. I thought of a passage in Matthew spoken by Jesus himself. I think many of us are very familiar with what has been termed as "The Lord's Prayer":

9 “This, then, is how you should pray:
“‘Our Father in heaven,
hallowed be your name,
10 your kingdom come,
your will be done,
on earth as it is in heaven.
11 Give us today our daily bread.
12 And forgive us our debts,
as we also have forgiven our debtors.
13 And lead us not into temptation,
but deliver us from the evil one.’

(Matthew 6:9-13, emphasis mine)

My faith can hold tight to the fact that God is giving me everything I need to focus on and live for him today. As much as I try to run ahead, God has been pressing into my head this truth over and over: His provision is enough for today. What I need to do is daily put my trust in God. Asking him to make my heart more and more hungry for him. Pray for the chance to love someone as a reflection of who Christ is today. I know that my future is secure because he holds tomorrow. What I need to do is be beautifully desperate for him today.

Good, pleasing, and perfect.

I've been asking myself some tough questions lately about discerning what is next for my family and I. God has put on my heart a verse in Romans that I've read many times before but somehow never paid much attention to three amazing words:

"Don't copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will know what God wants you to do, and you will know how good and pleasing and perfect his will really is." Romans 12:2

The topic of discerning God's will has been on the forefront of discussion in my life lately. It seems to be a theme God is really driving home for me. This verse is very well-known in terms of being "transformed by the  renewing of your mind" (NRSV) but I also love how the NLT translation says "changing the way you think." Wow. When I ponder how difficult it can be to change the way I think... it seems nearly impossible to do. No matter how many self-help advice books we can read or how well we apply the latest pop psychology method, it can be nearly impossible to change the way we think! Our minds are complex and intricate. The way we perceive our world, our circumstances, or even God can be as complicated as the subject itself!  

Here's an perfect example: just today I was talking with other mommy friends at the park about how Owen has been biting his sister again lately. Totally unexpected behavior for his age and especially because I thought we were done with this stage! Fast forward a couple hours and what do we see? Owen, who is supposed to be washing his hands for lunch, biting his sister on the arm! So here comes the confession- it makes me angry. I mean it sends my emotions through the roof when I see the bite mark on Abby's arm/shoulder/leg/finger/head/you name it. Here's the thought process in my brain every time it happens: "Is this ever going to stop? What if he starts biting other people? How is it he can't express his frustration with words? Am I a failure as a mom? Am I meeting his needs emotionally? What if he never grows out of this? What if my friends judge me for having a "biter? What if he's a cannibal? AGH!" Seriously, my thoughts go wild and verge on the edge of being ridiculous. Ever have a moment like that? Something in your life that drives you bananas and you automatically think the worst? Jeff tells me to stop and take a deep breath before I switch on the crazy. Hah! Please tell me I'm not alone, people. 

So here is the good news: God's work of transforming the way I think (which I cannot do on my own) will lead me to the endless possibilities of knowing His will. And guess what else? That verse in Romans says His will is: good, pleasing, and perfect. How much better can it get? Nothing I could plan for my life would ever come close to being those three things, especially the perfect part! So this is what I'm beginning to understand about understanding God's will: He must be the one to clean out the junk in my heart (i.e. the way I think) so that I can fully trust that His will- when revealed- will be AMAZING. Jeff and I have really been challenged to grow in this area specifically. God keeps reminding me to strive harder after Him. Everything else is just details. And, to get the full aspect of what this verse is telling us about being transformed, it's crucial to look at the verse that proceeds: 

"And so, dear brothers and sisters, I plead with you to give your bodies to God. Let them be a living and holy sacrifice-the kind he will accept. When you think of what he has done for you, is this too much to ask?" Romans 12:1

God wants me to be set apart. Not to conform to the world's standards. Not to look for ways to bring myself recognition. Not even to be the perfect mom (also because it's impossible). Not to fret when my son bites, but rather correct him in love. Even while doing the most good we can get lost in the doing. God will tell us what to do, it says so in verse 2. What He requires is that we offer ourselves as a living sacrifice to Him. Tall order? Yep. Absolutely fulfilling? Definitely. 

And now to steal from my favorite author, Oswald Chambers: 

' “I say to you, do not worry about your life . . . .” (Matthew 6:25) Our Lord says to be careful only about one thing-our relationship to Him. But our common sense shouts loudly and says, “That is absurd, I must consider how I am going to live, and I must consider what I am going to eat and drink.” Jesus says you must not. Beware of allowing yourself to think that He says this while not understanding your circumstances. Jesus Christ knows our circumstances better than we do, and He says we must not think about these things to the point where they become the primary concern of our life. Whenever there are competing concerns in your life, be sure you always put your relationship to God first. "